Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
