im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
