I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
