i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
