I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
