Where is the hickey?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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