East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
