That's when you crack a 10am beer
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
