how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
