Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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