me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Randomize
