I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
