My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Randomize
