Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
