She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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