even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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