I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
