There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So much rum. So many feels.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
