why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
