mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
