I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
