He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
