I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
