i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
