i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
