my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
