Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
