Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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