that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
