She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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