I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
