my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
