Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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