I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
