i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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