Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
