did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
