he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
