Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
