I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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