so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She's the barista slut.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
