Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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