He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This is my gift to your gina
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
