In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
