never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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