i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
