sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
