It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
