then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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