She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
