I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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