the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
