Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
