There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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